We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
