You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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