tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sext me about skeletons
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
