When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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