I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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