you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
