those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
