dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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