Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
