I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
