Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize