So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
