I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
