RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
