I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
