I wanna passion pit in your ass
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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