Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
