Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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