Your face is a jimmy john
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
