you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
