Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there is glitter all over my balls
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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