It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
