I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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