i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
