So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
