We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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