TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
