i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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