glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
