I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
