I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I party with great urgency now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
