why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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