They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
