three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize