I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
