u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
