She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
