you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
