my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
