You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
