I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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