Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
