I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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