How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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