I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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