some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
