Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
