p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
