I'm so fucking centered right now
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
