He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
