before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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