please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
