walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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