u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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