You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
