don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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