Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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