I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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