my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
