Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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