No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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