How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize