Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
