How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
