hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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