Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
