i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
