you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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