you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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