Just fell off a train. Bad.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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