I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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