'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
