i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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