You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
