Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
