she told me i tasted like america
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
