You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
