I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
