You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the liver wants what the liver wants
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
