Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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