I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
