I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
PANTIES FOUND
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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