The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
