Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
