I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
