Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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