I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
