rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
