is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
