the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
