and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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