glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
