I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
